By Dane EidsonPublished Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
Satan is envious of the Church's score card because each point represents the bruisings, crushings, back stabbings and all the pains that have deeply wounded so many hearts that happened on their way to the Kingdom.
Christians are often the only creatures that eats their own young, their most hurt, and the weakest. They often tear into any fellow believer for the smallest of infractions whether it be for dogma or words of disagreement even between family members.
I was both giver and receiver of this vicious cycle. But this is not what this posts is about....this time.....at least.
The Irresistible Grace of God.
No matter how much I blasphemed God and cursed Him and His people God refused to leave me alone. It did get to a place where I would go for a long time without sensing God's presence and this made it easier for me ignore and deny His presence. And when God would come back and pull on my heart I only grew more angry and much more bitter and more determined than ever to prove God did not exist.
When Christians with in my own close family and who were once best of friends returned my evil with greater evil and revenge that only justified in my eyes I was right and they were wrong. But little did I know the ends did not justify the means.
My wife after listening to all my flowery debates against the existence of God would always ask me the same question, "Why do I as a Christian still love you and desire to be with you and forgive you no matter what?" I would become frustrated because no matter how much I tried to explain her whys and what-fors I could not offer one single piece of a logical argument to refute her.
Early last week I began to hear with my ears old Gospel songs. "Great is Thy Faithfulness, I know in Whom I have Believed, Amazing Grace and other wonderful songs. I would go into the other room and ask my wife what she was singing. She said each time she was not singing. I would be woke up on two different nights with the same songs being heard by my ears. No radio on, no TV station tuned to a religious station and I asked my wife again if she was singing.
It was 3 AM Tuesday. She said no she was not singing. After the third incident same as before this time I said aloud, "Who is this singing?" Immediately I felt shame, sadness, joy, gladness, and a desire to call out to Jesus Christ. I went into the living room where my wife was at. I asked her to pray with me after sharing with her what had been happening.
I ask my wife how and what to pray. She told me to just pray. I said I can't because I am very angry with God and His people. Delores told me to start my prayer by telling God what I just told her. I cried out to God and asked Him to forgive me for causing so much pain and harm onto others through my vile words and rebellious actions. I asked God to forgive me. I asked Jesus to save me. I told him even if it did not make complete sense to me I am by faith trusting in Jesus alone for my salvation. That I believe in my heart he died for me on the Cross and was resurrected bodily from the dead. I did not get a single rebuke or one condemning word about my past. All I got in return was all I needed. The love and forgiving compassion of the gentle Saviour.
When I ended my prayer I realized that Jesus never left me in the first place. He was always there. That his love is so perfect he took all my hatred, bitterness, anger and rebellion against him and His children and He erased these sins all away and replaced them with a redeemed heart.
I love thee Lord Jesus. I Am Free.
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